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So coming at this from a very confused point. Currently on our 10th Anniversary vacation in Las Vegas. My wife and I are headed for separation eventually after and we’ve known that. We’ve had some times during our marriage where we didn’t treat each other well, there has been some emotional and verbal abuse on both sides. We’re both committed to working on our marriage — she says she’ll never give up and hopes I won’t either — but we’ve decided we aren’t going to heal under the same roof. We will continue couples therapy and weekly get together. So we’re planning on looking at apartments upon our return.

We haven’t had sex or been intimate in 3 months. She said the emotional connection is entirely gone, trust has been completely stripped away, and she has no interest. She wants to build that back, but is honest that she feels like it may never come back. She said physical intimacy is important to her, but it isn’t a dealbreaker for marriage. She’s very worried about me not having physical intimacy in my life and not sure she will ever feel ready to provide it again. Has said it’s a bigger deal to her that I have it than that she does. Told me last night that knowing I’d be open to the fact it might be with someone else in the future and not ever her again removes pressure from her, feeling like she’s hurting me or making life hard for me. She knows I’m 100% faithful, fully in love with her, and only want it to be with her. She said that just feels like crushing pressure to her, because she feels no emotional connection right now.

So fast forward to today. My wife has said she’d like to go to a strip club together as a couple on our anniversary. Said she thinks it would be a fun experience and memory for us, but also seeing me with another women and being open to that actually makes her feel less pressure, feel like things will be ok one way or the other. I’m just so confused. On one hand, if this would be a good thing, I want to do it. On the other, I don’t want to damage our relationship even more than it is! I’d love the fantasy that we go to the strip club, have a great time, and end up being intimate after, but I think that’s 100% a fantasy. Deep down I wonder if this would be some type of closure for my wife, and she already feels like we’re done and there’s no chance of coming back. Sigh.